Despite my good intentions I haven’t written in a minute. Why?

Migraine. My intermittent yet faithful companion.

I have had migraines … well I don’t really know how long. The first migraine I had that I registered ‘as a migraine’ occurred at the age of 23 or 24, while visiting a friend in New Orleans. I was living in Denver at the time and I think the trip from the Mile High City to the city below sea level triggered the attack. I met my friends aunt while visiting. She was a nurse and said oh you have a migraine. And gave me some ‘medicine’ to combat it. That’s probably a whole different story entirely.

Looking at my symptoms, I think I started having classic migraines in high school and probably abdominal migraines as a child.

For most of my life, when I’ve had my migraines, I’ve just closed up shop. I thought – If I can’t function without pain and to the level I’m accustomed, I’ll stay in bed and cry and wait it out while feeling like I’m on death’s door.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to grin and bear it.

So if I’m not actively vomiting I’m up and about. Squinting, half of my face dropped in a mild palsy, struggling through normal activities, until my soul and body are miraculously restored once again.

I go to work. I bring my son to school and cub scouts and wherever he needs to be. I feed my son. I feed my cats. I clean the litter-boxes. And that’s about it. I do the basics. I do the minimum. While I can’t do it all, I can do these things. I yearn for the end of the day when I can collapse into bed.

I do not write. I do not think I can. If I can, I do not want to. My mind is dull. The thoughts in my mind come out of my mouth as nonsense. One of my migraine symptoms is Aphasia. I intend to ask my son if he has his homework but the words come out as ‘where is the sock?’ It sounds ridiculous that this actually happens but ‘it is what it is’ as they say.

I can only imagine what the written word would be. If it weren’t so painful I might actually try it. Maybe I could create a surrealist masterpiece.

Did Lewis Carroll suffer from migraines?

The Jabberwock was a migraine personified.

   The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame, 

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood, 

      And burbled as it came!

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